A divorcee dating a widower
Don't allow yourself to think of the late wife as your competition.When someone starts to tell you about the late wife's suffering politely say "Yes, my husband has told me all about it and it was a terrible time.When we wrote our book, "Love for Grown-ups," we interviewed dozens of women who found that the adjustments that women who married widowers must make are very different from the issues facing women who married divorced men.Surprisingly, we found that, in many cases instead of friends being pleased that the widower had found someone to love and share his life, they in fact resented the new relationship.While this is probably true it can be difficult to hear. "I know she was a terrific woman and I'm sure I would have liked her." Then change the subject!Don't let friends' comments make you feel like a second class citizen.
Then I thought about it and realized that the last three years of his life must have been a horror and of course he was looking for the comfort of a new relationship". Some friends will insist on telling you what a wonderful wife-mother-friend his wife was.As though marrying again somehow blotted out the dead wife.One of our brides told us that when her best friend died of cancer at a young age, she was surprised at how soon her friend's husband had gotten seriously involved with another woman.You need to establish yourself with these people, not as a substitute for the late wife, but as your self, and with some people it's going to take time.
But remember he loves you and time is on your side.Develop a relationship with the late wife's family. They may already be receiving professional help, but they may also be resentful of you so, whatever you do, don't get angry when you hear "You're not my mother".